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Featured in the Listening Skills training manual

By Jessica Madge

Category: Communication Skills

Credit price: 4 download credits (Single user)

Imagine a meeting where six people come into a room and all start talking at once. They sit round a table, all talking continuously, and after a while they all get up and leave. Or picture two colleagues, standing together at the coffee machine, both of them talking simultaneously about their interesting weekend. In these examples it is obvious that something is badly wrong. People are talking, but no one is listening: it is not just the case that they are not taking turns to speak. Imagine another meeting. This time they take turns. Only one person speaks at any one time. However, when someone is talking, everyone else puts on headphones with loud music blaring from them, until it is their turn to speak. Again, communication is not taking place because no one is listening. We can immediately see from these extreme examples that listening is an absolutely fundamental element of human communication. Listening, however, is not just keeping your headphones off when someone else is talking. It is a complex skill – made up of a set of sub-skills. However, it is something that we take so much for granted that its importance is overlooked. Nearly everyone is capable of listening. Even very young babies seem to pay attention to the sound of the human voice. But it is a skill and – just as some people are more skilful cooks that others – some people are much better listeners than others. They know how to encourage a talker, how to set them at their ease, how to help them to express their ideas and feelings, how to draw out details, how to make sure that they fully understand what is being expressed, how to show that they understand, and how to manage the conversation so that time boundaries are kept and an appropriate outcome is reached. These people also tend to know which listening sub-skill to use at each moment of the conversation and when to stop listening and provide an alternative kind of help. Good listeners tend to create a positive response in others. Less skilled listeners sometimes upset people, make problems worse and create resentment, solely because they have failed to listen adequately. It is easy to ignore the value of listening and to take it for granted. The reason for this probably comes down to the fact that the person who is talking grabs our attention. If we watch a play or a file, we probably focus almost entirely on the person who is speaking. Only rarely to we look to see how a silent person is responding. The more obvious action draws out attention. It’s a bit like a conference. The speakers are the ones that get the attention. The conference organisers, who have put in a huge amount of work, are not the ones who get the applause. Many adults take listening completely for granted. They are no more aware of what is involved than a two-year-old is aware of what is involved in driving a car. In order to become better listeners, they need to pay attention to what others are doing so that they can emulate them or avoid their mistakes. In business settings, we need to listen to hundreds of times in our working week. In meetings, we need to encourage and understand the contributions of others. In selling, we have to find out the needs and objections of the customer. In customer service, we have to make customers feel that they matter to us. If we are managing staff, we have to respond to their questions, suggestions, worries and concerns. If we fail to get the outcome we want from these conversations, it may be because we haven’t said the right thing. But it is more likely that poor outcomes result from a failure to listen. In more advanced applications of listening, the same applies. Negotiations often fail because there has been insufficient listening. In the worst interviews, the interviewers are more concerned with demonstrating their cleverness than with listening effectively to the interviewee.

This training activity begins with the participants working in small groups to identify and discuss occasions when they feel that ‘no one is listening’ and occasions when they are not being ‘properly’ listened to. Through plenary discussion, the effect of poor listening on individuals and one business success is identified. Participants then look at the different ways in which they can help someone. Having identified listening as one of a number of ways of helping, they examine some mini case studies and decide on the best way to deal with them. There is then a short introduction to the psychological game of ‘Yes-but’ which evolves from a misguided attempt to give advice. Participants are encouraged to continue their learning by observing the skills of interviewers in the media.

Who is it for: This training activity is intended for use by trainers to help participants understand the importance of listening in business contexts, to heighten their awareness of listening and to identify differences between listening and other types of helpful beha

Resource Type:	Activity
Min Group Size:	4
Max Group Size:	20
Typical Duration:	02:25:00
No of Pages:	28

Resources: View standard resources for Fenman training activities
Additional resources: Clipboards for participants (optional)

Purpose: This basic training activity is intended for use by trainers with people who are new to the idea that listening is an important skill. It may be used in areas of training such as counselling, supervisory skills and customer service. It could also be used when training supervisors and managers to deal with staff problems, absence or poor performance. The concepts in this training activity are also fundamental to selling, negotiating and interviewing of all kinds.

Download the training activity, Listening Skills Training - Lend me your ear as featured in the Fenman training manual; Listening Skills