Those uncertain feelings
Featured in the Listening Skills training manual
By Jessica Madge
Category: Communication Skills
Credit price: 4 download credits (Single user)
The most powerful listening skill of them all is the ability to demonstrate empathy. It is the ‘Rolls Royce’ of listening skills – the icing on the cake, which distinguishes excellent listeners from good listeners. It is a key competence in dealing with complaints, managing conflict and conducting successful negotiations. Empathy is demonstrated by reflecting back the feelings the talker is trying to express. This skill enables us to build rapport in difficult circumstances – with angry customers, suspicious negotiating partners, distressed clients – in fact, anyone who is hostile, upset or depressed. It works because it demonstrates that we are really trying to listen and understand how it feels to be in their shoes. Many listeners have difficulty dealing with the emotions that are expressed by talkers. However, if feelings are ignored they bubble away, providing the steam that prevents heated situations from calming down – and not until people calm down can we reach a resolution. Leaping into solving a problem without dealing with the underlying emotions means we miss an opportunity to strengthen a relationship. Empathising has the added advantage that we can show we understand someone’s feelings without actually agreeing with their point of view. It is therefore extremely useful when trying to deal diplomatically with conflict. This is one of the most difficult communication skills to learn. Therefore this training activity takes a step by step approach, building up the skill one stage at a time.
In this training activity, participants work in four groups to brainstorm the words and phrases they might use to describe emotions. Then, there is a round table exercise in which they practise identifying the emotions underlying short anecdotes. Next, they try to reflect the feelings expressed in short statements. Finally, they work in pairs to practise their skills in a more natural conversation about a minor problem.
Who is it for: This training activity is intended for use by trainers to help participants to look at the process of empathising, a key skill in dealing with emotion in others, and to learn to identify feelings and reflect back to demonstrate understanding.
- Themes:
- Advanced listening skills,
- Dealing with complaints and aggression,
- Management and supervision,
- Interviewing,
- Appraisals,
- Absence,
- Performance management,
- Client handling,
- Selling,
- Negotiating,
- Influencing,
- Assertiveness,
- Emotional Intelligence,
- Counselling,
- Mediation,
- Meetings,
- On the telephone,
| Resource Type: | Activity |
| Min Group Size: | 4 |
| Max Group Size: | 20 |
| Typical Duration: | 02:45:00 |
| No of Pages: | 23 |
Resources: View standard resources for Fenman training activities
Additional resources: Clipboards for participants (optional).
Purpose: Reflecting feelings (or empathising) is an advanced listening skill. This training activity should build on previous work on questioning, building rapport and reflecting facts. It could be used as part of a formal training course, on topics such as customer complaints, dealing with aggression, negotiation, interviewing, appraisal, absence management, counselling, assertiveness and mediation. It could also be used as part of an ongoing programme aimed at improving communication skills or emotional intelligence.
Download the training activity, Those uncertain feelings as featured in the Fenman training manual; Listening Skills