Refusing requests
Featured in the The Assertiveness Skills Pack training manual
By Joanna Gutmann
Category: Communication Skills
Credit price: 3 download credits (Single user)
Wanting to be able to say ‘No’ is one of the most common reasons for an interest in assertive skills. Many people try and fail, resulting in low self-esteem, resentment and bad feeling all round. Sometimes they say ‘Yes’ initially and then think of an excuse to get out of it. This is doubly unhelpful to the other party and, by showing participants the effects of this action; emphasis can be placed on refusing politely but firmly in the first place. One common problem is trying to refuse something that cannot be refused – often a two-part request. For example, ‘Please get the figures for me by this afternoon’. There are two parts to this request: to get the figures, and to do it by this afternoon. It may be the participant’s responsibility to get the figures (so that part is reasonable) but not feasible to get them by this afternoon. Trying to give a simple ‘No’ to this request is bound to be difficult. There are five possible approaches to be considered: 1. To say ‘Yes’ and do ‘Yes’ – in other words to say ‘Yes’ to the request and to carry it out – a positive outcome. 2. To say ‘Yes, if…’ and do ‘Yes, if…’ – this is likely to be negotiation or an amendment to the request, ‘I can get the figures this afternoon, but I’ll have to cancel our meeting to discuss X or I can get them, but it will be by 10.30 tomorrow’ – a positive outcome, provided both parties are satisfied by the terms. 3. To say ‘Yes’ and do ‘No’ – to agree to the request, but not comply – a negative outcome. 4. To say ‘No’ and do ‘Yes’ – where a refusal is attempted, but it is unsuccessful – a negative outcome. 5. To say ‘No’ and do ‘No’ – where the refusal is clearly made and accepted – a positive outcome. With regard to the right to say ‘No’, contracts of employment may remove this right in some instances. Participants should understand that it is a positive action to point out and explain difficulties and potential problems, if it is done in a constructive manner.
You enable participants to identify their current attitude and approach to refusing requests, and to practise an effective strategy to do so.
Who is it for: This training resource is intended for use by trainers to enable participants to refuse requests in a polite but firm manner
- Themes:
- Assertive behaviour,
- Refusing requests,
- Responsibilities,
- Rights.,
| Resource Type: | Activity |
| Min Group Size: | 4 |
| Max Group Size: | 12 |
| Typical Duration: | 01:20:00 |
| No of Pages: | 12 |
Resources: View standard resources for Fenman training activities
Additional resources: Card
Purpose: This training resource is intended for use by trainers with all staff who wish to increase their assertiveness skills. All participants should have completed, ‘Rights in assertiveness’, and must have taken part in, ‘Behaviour styles’, or have undergone basic assertiveness training, to provide them with the background information and understanding to support this activity.
Download the training activity, Refusing requests as featured in the Fenman training manual; The Assertiveness Skills Pack